Looking at Feelings

Here's a simple fun visualisation technique that you can use to change the intensity of feelings associated with a specific event. This may be useful for you if you want to increase the intensity of a pleasant experience and can also be used to literally distance yourself from minor unpleasant experiences.

In NLP we talk about being associated or dissociated, this simply means when you recall the memory of an event whether or not you are associated in the event,  ie looking through your own eyes; or dissociated, this is where you can see yourself in the picture.

Ok so here goes, recall a happy memory from the past, once you have the mental image of the picture notice whether you are looking through your own eyes or can see yourself in the picture. Once you have this notice what feelings are present and notice the intensity of the feelings. Now here's the magic, if you find that you are looking at yourself in the picture just step into your body so you are in the event looking through your own eyes and notice how the intensity of the feelings change to become even more intense.   If you find that you are already associated, have a go at stepping out of your body, so you see yourself in the picture and notice how the intensity of the feelings decrease. Step back in to your body again to get the most intense feelings before coming back to now.

We can use this Visual (V) Kinaesthetic (K) dissociation/association in a number of ways. It is possible to use it on future memories, for example in sports coaching to provide the most compelling images of success in an event, this is visualisation in its simplest form.

VK Dissociation is really effective on unpleasant memories from the past, it allows you to to literally step away from an event, seeing yourself in the event rather than being in it will dramatically reduce any emotions. This can be taken a stage further by stepping out of your body twice or more to watch yourself watching yourself in the event. Have a go with something minor and notice how the feelings almost totally disappear.

This is a very safe simple and effective technique that you can use to make memorable events even more memorable and to reduce the feelings on minor unpleasant events from the past. If you have more significant things in your past that are unresolved and you would like them to be, or if you are struggling to get the results you need, get in touch with on of our NLP coaches at The Transformational Changes Team www.thetransformationalchangesteam.com and we will be able to help you get the results you deserve.

Falling with grace

I fell off my horse the other day, its not the first time that I have hit the deck, I consider it to be an occupational hazard of the sport of equestrianism. The horse I was riding this time is an ex racehorse and he is quite 'sharp' as many thoroughbred types are at times. I have stayed on for even the most extreme of his spooking antics however for some reason this time I suddenly found myself on the ground, seeing stars with my shoulder taking the brunt of the impact! Ouch!!

So what's my point? I was laughing about the fall with a friend later in the evening and they asked me, was it the horses fault or yours? A seemingly innocent question, however it was pivotal in me examining whether I was at cause or effect when riding......Clearly if it was the horses fault by spooking, I have to be on the effect side of the equation, and I have no choice other than to accept that horses spook and people fall off = no options.

If I put myself back at cause by saying that I fell off I now have the choice of taking action as a result of the event.  I have options to change things in order to stay on the horse in future, by improving my seat by riding without stirrups for example.

So where are you in life, at cause or effect? Do you have results or reasons Excuses for not getting results?  
Get yourself back at cause and give yourself some choices.

Go well,

Mark.

Red Kites and Things

Today was pretty windy, gale force winds that really rattled the windows. I looked up at the tree tops and saw a big bird of prey, a Red Kite getting buffeted in the turbulent air behind some tree tops. The Kite was really working hard just to stay flying straight and level. It really looked as though it might even lose control and crash into the trees. It was at that point I wondered if birds got scared in situations like that - some of you will know that I fly in my spare time, both gliders and powered aircraft, and flying downwind of a ridge or tall trees could potentially be a fatal error, in fact it is one of the key lessons in ridge soaring - stay in front of the ridge unless you are high enough to avoid the curl over.

So why then was the Kite downwind of some huge trees in all the curl over? If I had been in its position in an aeroplane I'm pretty sure that I would have been feeling the turbulence and would have to work really hard to stay in control and yet this huge bird seemed totally oblivious to what was happening around him. Years ago I would probably have been terrified if I found myself in serious turbulence, and now I just take it my stride and sail on through it with confidence. I wonder what would have happened to a young kite in the same situation - terror or hey this is new? 

I guess it is easy to avoid situations that are risky and just to stay in our comfort zone, then how will we ever develop? I only got comfortable in turbulence by exposure to a bit of calculated risk. Now I know that I can fly perfectly well even in the most challenging conditions. So what will you do in turbulence, stay on the safe side or push the boundaries, just a bit to see what might happen? Joseph Campbell once said "The Cave which you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek". What treasure are you missing by not entering the cave and testing the turbulence?

Try or Do?

I remember running some training for a team of receptionists in a busy walk in medical centre. There had been a lot of complaints from patients about the way they had been treated by the reception staff. The knock on effect was that the walk in was loosing patients and there was negative feedback being posted on a well known public health forum.

I was drafted in to do some troubleshooting and eventually ran a  session designed around staff having the choice as to how they reacted to customers (patients). They had the choice to smile, the choice to be polite, the choice to be attentive and the question is if they didn't how had they made the decision not to? Because they all agreed that they must have made the decision to behave the way that they did. We agreed on acceptable standards of behaviour and acceptable attitudes, and explored the NLP communication model so that each of the team understood exactly how individuals have their own perception of the world around them.

I then asked for agreement to change the status quo and to improve the patient experience, all of the team, bar one person, were fully on side and enthusiastic about their new beliefs on patient care. The one person remained quiet throughout this part of the session until eventually she uttered the words - "I'll try"

Here is an exercise for you - 'try' and pick up something near you. Perhaps a pen or if you have a mouse with your pc just 'try' and pick it up.....now when I say try I imagine that most of you will already have picked whatever it is up. That is picking something up, not trying...go on keep trying...try and find that you cannot. In therapy work I often encourage clients to 'try in vain' to reproduce old behaviours that we had just modified, so that they can discover that they cannot.

So here's the thing, you have the choice in life, you always do, never not never, so either do it or choose not to. If you do it and it turns out differently from what you expected, learn from it, you got a result after all, just do it differently next time to get the result you want and be positive and just 'Do It' and act as if you already can...because if you just try, there is always the chance that you may fail. Remember - trying presupposes failure.

Are you beating yourself up?

I have been doing quite a bit of research lately into Deepak Chopra and Dirk Hamer as I have had some clients with physical symptomatology linked to significant emotional events. There are a couple of quotes that I would like to share with you:

"Once the unconscious mind selects an organ of the body as a whipping boy for a particular emotional problem, the choice is saved.....after that every time those same feelings occur and have to be disposed of, the stress will be directed against the same organ! ... Consequently every organ, muscle and gland in the body could end up as a punch bag for a specific emotional problem".

Dr CS Lovett.

"Emotions that find no outlet make the organs weep"

Dr H Maudsley.

This is why hanging onto baggage really can be bad for your health. However help is at hand. You can 'Let go of your stuff' quickly and easily and save 'beating yourself up inside'
Love yourself & Give us a call.

(get in) Rapport

So I chatted to the horses about being in Rapport and practicing matching & mirroring their physiology, and this morning look what happened :-)

Rapport - the unconscious connection of trust

Teddy & Bertie in Rapport

Free Phobia Fridays

Free Phobia Friday Competition. 

Hi all, we want to know about your phobias. What are you carrying around that you don't want to. Tell us how it happens, how it is a problem and how it interferes with your daily life. Then each Friday during May 2012 the team will choose just one lucky winner who will be able to get rid of their phobia absolutely free of charge. 

Email your phobias to:

phobias@thetransformationalchangesteam.com along with your address and contact telephone number to be entered into the draw. 

Please note that successful applicants will be required to travel at their own expense to a mutually agreed venue for the coaching session. 

Motivation for Change

A question that I am frequently asked is 'So can you make me give up / do XX (smoking, beer, eat a raw onion etc?'

The answer of course is no. Nobody can unless you want to. That is the thing about the change work that I carry out, whether it be performance coaching, life coaching or therapy work. The client has to be committed to the extent that they will do whatever it takes to achieve the results that they want. To the extent that they do, they will get the result easily and effortlessly. If they don't they won't. Simple really.

On Limiting Beliefs

On Limiting Beliefs - quotes from Douglas Bader - double amputee WW2 fighter pilot:

Consultant ..."Mr Bader, I think you ought to face it, you’ll never walk again without a stick"

Bader "Damn that I’ll never walk with one"

Consultant "My dear chap no one with your disability has ever walked without one"

Bader "Whats that gotta do with it?"

The rest as they say is history...

What bullsh*t are you believing or telling yourself that prevents you from achieving what you are really capable of?

Don't Think of A Blue Tree

I have a challenge for you..try really hard ....whatever you do...

Don't think of a Blue Tree

So what are you thinking about now? That's right a blue tree...so how does that work when I asked you not to think about one? Here is how; in order to process negatives the unconscious mind has to create an internal representation of the thing you don't want to do. The other thing about the unconscious mind is that it is unable to distinguish between simulation and reality (this is how visualisation works). The Recticular Activating System in the brain just kicks in and takes action to get you what you are focussing on.

So what?  I hear you ask. The thing is that whenever you hear an advert, or your partner telling you 'don't forget to' in order to process this you have to make an internal representation of forgetting, and funny old thing you tend to...forget that is. 'Don't look down' is another classic.

This is also why goals which you set as "I'm not going to", or "I don't want to do x", (known as away from in NLP terms) are rarely successful. You try so hard not to do something, and because you are constantly focusing on the thing that you don't want to do your unconscious goes and gets if for you. So if it can do that for thing you don't want, surely it can do it for the things you do? Yes of course, that is the key.

Lets reframe it.

Instead of using away from language; say "Remember", "Look Up" etc all towards....and decide what behaviour you want to do instead of the thing you want to stop.

Be positive, think about it, are you using clean positive language and taking action to achieve your goals?

Have a go, you will notice a difference.

So why would you choose to use NLP in coaching and training?

If we consider the Dilts model of Neuro Logical Levels we can understand why using NLP gets  better results than conventional training.

Imagine for a moment that you want to become a better manager because you don't believe that are a good at managing people - you book onto a managerial skills course, get some new skills and abilities and you head back to the office and...that's right you still don't believe that you are a good manager. So what change do we see at a surface level? Very little.

Now just suppose you came on one of my NLP coaching programmes, http://thetransformationalchangesteam.com/ which works at aligning beliefs and values. Not only do you leave with more skills and abilities, you also leave knowing that you really are a great manager. Now what results (behaviours) will you notice!!?

To get lasting results in personal change work you have to work with beliefs and values systems, they are our motivational drivers and our evaluation benchmark.